Sunday, August 19, 2012

Top 10 Most Annoying Remarks/Comments Made to Foster/Adoptive Parents

Some folks are just blunt and some are just rude, yet some are just curious. Here's a small list of the most annoying/rude remarks folks have made to my family;

1. "Oh, she's so pretty! What is she?"  Umm, she's a human, she's a little girl, she's a two year old-what exactly is the response you'd like? lol

2. "Did you adopt her?" Um, do I know you? This is your business, how?  Maybe the wife before me was brown, for all you know. Does it make a difference?

3. When telling someone about foster care and the number of kids in AK that need homes, "So, I can get a brown baby of my very own?"  Um, yeah. Once you go to the hospital and have my foot removed from your behind, you sure can.

4. "White trash whore."  This one I left alone for two reasons- the people that said it were two huge, fat, skinhead looking dudes, and I choose to act like a lady in front of my children.

5. "What are you going to tell her about her real mom?" Um, hello? I have had her since birth, taken care of her 24/7, it doesn't get any more real than that! Thank you.

6. "White people shouldn't get to adopt black babies." Well, you know what they say about opinions. ;) And for your info, she is not JUST black, she is also Native. My husband is Native. We are educated folks, me with a degree in Childhood Development-so I do think we are knowledgable enough to teach her about her culture, expose her to people of different races and heritages (that's the good thing about the military) and to be honest, if OCS waited for folks of suitable cultures and races to be found for each child, there would be even more homeless children than what we are dealing with now! And furthermore, using the same argument, she will get more education about her culture and heritage in my home than what she would in her own birth home.  This has been a proven fact.

7. "She's not your real sister." This was said to my son and I love his response, "We are the only family she knows. I would do anything for her and I love her so much. She is too, my real sister. "

8. "Oh, she's your FOSTER daughter." No, she is my DAUGHTER. ONLY.  No additives, no adoptive daughter, adopted daughter, foster daughter, just. plain. daughter.  ;)

9. "She's so lucky there are people like you to take in kids like her."  Um, Wow. She is not a dog.  She is not a stray and if you ask any member of my family, WE are the lucky ones. We have been truly blessed to get to know and take care of this little one. You should always help others, it's the right thing to do. We choose to set the example for our kiddos, instead of the whole do what I say, not what I do theory that seems to be so popular nowadays.


10. "Why didn't you pick one that looked like you, then nobody would know?" Well, it's not like you can hit your local Walmart and look through the aisles selecting the "perfect" child.  And when we entered into this decision, though admittedly we wanted a girl (my house is testosterone city) , we decided we would help whoever needed it, boy/girl, baby/teen, white/black/purple, etc.  I am not, nor will I ever be ashamed of having a child that looks different than the rest of my family.  I am so proud to have this little one, and any future little ones that we may have one day.  I know that the rest of my family feels the same.

These children need you. They need a shelter from the storm that is their everyday life.  They need kindness, love and a nurturing environment.  That is and has always been our number 1 objective, to provide a safe home for a child in need. When you do that, with an open heart and open mind, you set a wonderful example for your family and for your community.  I ask that you think, before you speak.  My little one is getting to be two, she does understand what is being said and so do her brothers, who are usually present.

If you are curious about a family, ask them when the children aren't around.  Be discreet.  If you'd like to consider foster care; I implore you to do so! There are hundreds of children right here in Alaska, that need homes.

For more information on becoming a foster family;


1-800-478-7307 or

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